No, Where Are You FROM?

A couple of days ago, someone I'd just met asked me, "Where are you from?"

It is about the millionth time I've been asked that question. Sometimes it is an innocent enough question, but my answer is complicated. I live in a northern Virginia suburb of D.C., and I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere, so I consider myself from here. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up, so my family moved every few years, and I am sort of from all of those places. I was born in San Diego. When I sense that the person asking the question is asking where I spent my childhood, I say California, because most of it was there. I am a little bit from Michigan, because I spent most of high school and college there, and those are the years I'd say I did the most growing up.

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration/Department of Commerce

Sometimes, no matter which of these answers I give, the person responds with, "No, where are you from?"--with a dramatic emphasis on the "from." This emphasis is supposed to convey that they are asking about my ethnicity. Really, they are asking where my ancestors are from. (I just told them I was born in California, so they know I didn't actually come from another country.)

I have been getting this question, with the same heavy emphasis, since I was a teenager, if not before that. And it annoyed me then as much as it does now. If you are asking what my ethnic background is, ask what my ethnic background is. If you are asking where my parents are from, ask me that. But don't ask me where I'm from, as if it's some kind of code that allows you to ask about my personal ethnic identity without having to say the words. I won't answer until you come out and say what you actually want to know.

I am half Filipino and half white (various European countries), and it's not obvious to everyone that I'm half Asian (and usually, only Filipino people guess that I'm part Filipino). And I don't mind people's curiosity about that--I am equally curious about everyone else's background. But why not just use the words "race" or "ethnicity" or whatever it is that you mean? Because you're uncomfortable saying those words?

The worst is when the person asking the question is also a minority who probably gets the same question often enough. Jeff likes to remind me of the time an Asian girl asked me where I was from, and I responded, "You mean where did I grow up?" "No." "Where was I born?" "No." This went on and on until I asked her if she wanted to know what my ethnic background was.

The uglier version of this question is "What are you?" I've had my share of that one, and it has always made my blood boil. I certainly won't answer that one the way the person expects, because it is decidedly not an innocent question. I wrote about my anger over this question back in college--when a group of snickering guys clearly had been guessing about my background among themselves, and one turned to me and blurted out, "What are you?" This question also came from people whose racism was so strong their disgust was dripping off of them. What am I? Well, first, I'm a who, not a what--not an "other."

Another thing I've been called many times, sometimes by people who think they are complimenting me, is "exotic." Like I just busted out of the jungle? Like an exotic dancer? Like someone so strange and different that you can't even fathom me as part of your reality?

For similar reasons, I loathe the use of the word "Oriental," unless you are talking about rugs. It's "Asian," people. (This NPR story from back in 2009 explains why it's offensive.) I still have to correct some of my older Asian relatives who say it, because "Oriental" used to be acceptable, but it really has got to go. I'm sure we all have labels we hate because of their connotations--ones that have evolved over time.

Probably because my answers to these questions and others like them have never been simple, I am fascinated by everybody else's answers. (I love that show Who Do You Think You Are?) So I hope I don't offend you if I ask about your ethnicity without dancing around it. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

In the Name of Better Writing

We all know active voice is better than passive voice. But sometimes translating from one to the other isn't easy. Streamlining your writing to make it more active and less wordy helps you get to the point faster. Here are a few quick things to look for.

1. Take it easy on the prepositional phrases. 

A sentence full of them is difficult to read and might make your reader tune out. If a sentence is one long string of prepositional phrases, look for ways to get rid of some.

Example 1

The report is considered by many researchers to be of great importance for workers in that field. 

(4 prepositional phrases, passive construction)

Better:
Many researchers consider the report greatly important for workers in that field. 

(2 prepositional phrases, active construction)
 

Example 2
The effect of the announcement by the company on its stock price should not be underestimated by investors.

 (4 prepositional phrases, vague)

Better: 
Investors should not underestimate how the company's announcement will affect its stock price.

 (no prepositional phrases)

2. Try to avoid "there is" and "it is."

Phrases like this signal lazy sentence construction. 

It is important for bicyclists to obey traffic laws at all times.
Better:
Bicyclists should always obey traffic laws.

There is disagreement among the authorities.
Better:
The authorities disagree.

3. Simplify wordy phrases and fussy words.

Many common words and phrases are more wordy or vague than they need to be. Everyone uses the words and phrases in this list on the left, but the options on the right are better and more specific.

Acceptable but wordy or vague  --  a better option
in order to  --  to
the majority of  --  most
Prior to  --  before

In advance of  --  before
A number of  --  numerous (or several, or a few)
Whether or not  --  whether

Subsequently  --  later
Upon  --  on 

Amidst  --  amid

Utilize  --  use
Effective  --  good (or something more specific, like efficient or persuasive)

In addition  --  also

4. Omit unnecessary words.

Do you need to say "in addition" or "as a result"? Maybe the context calls for it, but probably not. 

Example: Her car was totaled. As a result, she couldn't drive it.

Better: Her car was totaled, so she couldn't drive it.

It might be obvious that sentence 2 is a result of sentence 1.

Another phrase to watch for:
"In my opinion..."

If you're writing it, it's probably obvious that it's your opinion.

Lessons Learned from the Mad Men Midseason Finale

Now the midseason finale is over, and we have to wait until 2015 to see Don Draper again. The finale was beautiful--they made this one to keep us fans happy. We see the best of Don and Peggy and their relationship, and Roger delivers lines that only Roger can. (And I have to mention that the clothes were exquisite. I have never wanted dresses that both Peggy and Joan wore in the same episode.)

In previous posts, I've listed some words to live by from our SC&P buddies: See Lessons Learned, Part I (earlier seasons) and Part II (Season 7 pre-finale). Here is some advice you can take with you from the midseason finale.
 
When annoying people overstep their bounds, put them back in their place.
You're a hired hand. Get back to work!
-Jim to Lou

Stick up for people who are going through a rough time.
That is a very sensitive piece of horseflesh. He shouldn't be rattled!
-Pete about Don 

Jerks can always be bought.
It's a lot of money!
-Jim Cutler

Other people can be bought, too.
Don: How did you get in here?
Roger: Money.

Try to pick up on subtle cues.
Every time an old man starts talking about Napoleon, you know they’re gonna die.
-Roger 

When you sense that people are bullshitting, call them out on it.
Don: No one knows about this? [holding his letter]
Joan: I saw it.
Don: Then why did you ask what's going on?!

People love to commiserate.
Marriage is a racket!
-Pete to Don 

Sometimes, things are going to look difficult, and you're going to need to take a deep breath.
I have to talk to people who just touched the face of God about hamburgers!

For more on the finale, here's a look Inside Episode 707 from AMC. 'Til 2015!

Beauty Within the Beltway: Alexandria National Cemetery

Alexandria National Cemetery

Visitors to D.C. often include Arlington National Cemetery on their sightseeing itinerary. With the graves of two presidents, famous military figures, and the awe-inspiring Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, it deserves the more than 3 million people who visit each year.

Arlington is not the only national cemetery in the D.C. area, though. About 6 miles south of Arlington National Cemetery is Alexandria National Cemetery. The Alexandria cemetery predates Arlington's cemetery and originally served as the burial place of Union soldiers during the Civil War, many of whom were stationed in Alexandria or died in Alexandria's hospitals.

Line of headstones

Servicemembers from subsequent wars have since been buried in the cemetery, but it is now closed to new internments. With little more than 5 acres, it is much smaller than Arlington National Cemetery, but the intimate grounds are just as powerful.

One of the many Unknown Soldier graves from the Civil War

My family and I visited on Memorial Day. The cemetery's main entrance is on Wilkes Street, but we parked on Jamieson Avenue on the north side of the cemetery. A stone wall surrounds the cemetery, but a small gate on Jamieson Avenue allows easy access for visitors who walk from Old Town.

Cemetery gate on Jamieson Avenue

The grounds are set on lightly rolling hills with large trees interspersed throughout and an American flag flying above the center of the cemetery. Most of the headstones are military-issued markers from the Civil War era, and each was adorned with a small American flag for Memorial Day.

Memorial Day flags adorn each grave

Unlike Arlington, no giant markers distinguish well-known officers. The simplicity of the headstones serves as a reminder that not one of these lives was worth more than the others. Even the one monument on the grounds is modest in its size, a small granite stone with a plaque honoring the four civilians who died pursuing Abraham Lincoln's assassin.

Monument to the pursuers of John Wilkes Booth

On this beautiful May day, we each chose a grave to adorn with one red rose. Being a proud Michigander, I found the grave of a member of the Michigan infantry from the Civil War. My oldest daughter also chose a Civil War era soldier, and my wife chose a man who served in two wars. My youngest daughter is too young to choose, so we honored one of the many graves of an unknown soldier on her behalf.

A rose for Solomon T. Colby of the 26th Regiment, Michigan Infantry

A Memorial Day ceremony was in progress when we arrived, so we quietly watched as veterans spoke of the importance of this day. They placed wreaths at a few graves, and a bugler played taps as they lowered the cemetery's flag to half mast.

Wreath laying

In the distance, visitors respectfully roamed the cemetery, and a couple with a young child placed white flowers on several graves. Soon everyone would go back to their daily lives, but for these few minutes on these hallowed grounds, we were united in the memory of those who sacrificed themselves for our liberty.

Flowers to honor those who served

Alexandria National Cemetery's main entrance is located at 1450 Wilkes Street in Alexandria, and the Jamieson Avenue entrance is directly behind the Residence Inn on Duke Street. The National Cemetery Administration maintains Alexandria National Cemetery and another 130 cemeteries in 39 states. The cemetery is open daily from sunrise to sunset.

Lessons Learned from Mad Men, Part II

The midseason finale of Mad Men is this weekend, so it's time to reflect on a few things we all should have learned from our dysfunctional friends during Season 7. If you want to brush up on what you should have gleaned from earlier seasons, here are my top 10 life lessons learned from Mad Men.

Be prepared for back-handed compliments.
You know she’s every bit as good as any woman in this business.
-Pete (about Peggy)

Own up when you screw up.
I didn’t behave well. I said the wrong things to the wrong people at the wrong time.
-Don

People will judge you if your goodies are hanging out. 
Bobby: She really likes you.
Betty: Yeah, well, that blouse says she likes everyone.

If you're a bigot, be clear about the limits of your tolerance.
Well, I'm all for the national advancement of colored people, but I do not think they should advance all the way to the front of the office. People can see her from the elevator.
-Bert Cooper

Even if you have damaged a relationship, there may be a glimmer of forgiveness--or at least warmth.
Happy Valentine's Day. I love you.
-Sally to Don

Don't settle. You deserve better.
Bob: I know I’m flawed, but I’m offering you more than anyone else ever will.
Joan: No, you’re not. Because I want love. And I’d rather die hoping that happens than make some arrangement.

Here's where we are in the show. Cheers!